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Archive for April, 2012

Where does the time go?

I was told a couple of weeks ago a theory about time.  In summary, it goes something like this: Ask anyone who is over 40 if they think time goes by faster the older you get, and they’ll say “yes”.  In this theory, time does actually go faster the older you get. Since God operates outside of time, the older we all get, the closer we are to the end of our finite earthly existence and time somehow goes faster for us – days are actually shorter.

Whether this is true or not, I have to admit I think time does seem to be going by at a blistering pace for me personally.  My three sweet babies are no longer babies.  Parker’s 5’3″ at 11 yrs. old with Chloe and Marshall not far behind.  Weeks seem to pass by like days and years like months.  It’s really a bit surreal if you stop and think about it, which I don’t do often for this very reason.

What I’m pondering today is not “Where does the time go?” but instead, “Am I making the most of the time I’ve been given?” The answer is a resounding “NO!” I have been realizing lately my difficulties in being efficient with my time lately.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m getting things done, but not as quickly as is usual for me.  It may have something to do with my chronic back pain which leaves me unable to sit for long periods of time, but I think there’s more to it than just that. I believe my “plate” is so full that it almost paralyzes me at times. Between work, family, school, coaching baseball, writing and producing music on the side…there’s not much margin left.  As I’m getting older, I’m also not quite as deft at changing gears as I used to be.  Going from task to task or role to role is becoming a bit harder to do, which means lost minutes or even hours at times. I’m curious if any of you agree with me or have similar experiences you’d like to share.

It also doesn’t help that Lisa and I have been spending a TON of time looking at potential houses to buy, if we can find any that we can afford.  That’s been quite stressful and a HUGE time zapper.  We’re praying that God will make our path clear and either open or slam shut the door to home ownership for us.

Well…it’s back to my homework (at 12:57am) ouch!

 

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Well, I should probably apologize for not keeping up with my posts the last several weeks. In all honesty, I have written a few, but didn’t end up posting them for a variety of reasons.

So, when I should be using these last few hours before tomorrow’s marathon of multiple Easter services and all that entails, or possibly working on that homework assignment that was due Thursday (oops), or resting/sleeping, I feel the need to write here, so I guess I should:

Easter…….Tomorrow is easter (technically today) and I am so excited for it to come.  Easter is such a powerful day in the life of all Believers in Christ, or at least it should be.  To consider the freedom and life we can enjoy because of what Jesus did on the cross, taking our sin and paying the price for them, is nothing short of amazing.  I can’t find the right word. Amazing falls so short, doesn’t it?  Thank you, God for your gracious love and for sending Jesus. Compared to that, I should never EVER complain about being tired or “having to do 4, 5, 6 or how ever many services” on Easter.  We should do services all day long and try and get everyone we know to come and hear about the life altering news of Jesus.

Heaven this is going to be the first Easter without dad around.  It won’t feel right either.  Whether or not we were geographically together, we always spent time talking, laughing and connecting on Easter.  There were usually multiple phone calls toward the end of the Master’s golf tournament too.  If we were together, there would be lots of food, hugs, jokes and more.  This Easter, I am so blessed to have mom up for a visit.  It has been absolutely great having her here with us, especially for Easter. But it is bittersweet.  I know she’s really missing dad too and my heart breaks for her and with her.  But this is where Heaven comes in. In case you didn’t know, “Heaven is for Real”. Just ask that little boy whose book has been a best seller for umpteen weeks.  Seriously, though, I DO believe in Heaven for those who follow Christ with their lives and have accepted His gift of salvation.  Dad’s on that list. So really, HE is the lucky one this Easter.  He is with his LORD.  I am grateful for that, and happy for him too.  But the selfish part of me would most assuredly rather him be here.

Health…The past couple of months has been such a new journey for me that I cannot put into words. Losing dad still doesn’t seem real, even though it’s been 2 1/2 months now.  I have these amazing dreams of being with him, doing random things. Not memories, but like adventures or ordinary day-to-day stuff that we never got to do.  It seems weird, but I really enjoy them.  I hate when something wakes me up during one, because I have yet to be able to re-enter the dream when this occurs. Of course, when I’m awake, the reality that dad isn’t here has been all too evident.  

This 42 year old back of mine has been quite stubborn in healing from an injury suffered late last August or early September.  9 weeks of physical therapy, 2 rounds of oral steroids, an MRI, 5 Dr. visits and 3 epidurals later and I’m no better off than I was when it all began.  The result has been the onset of a mild depression that I sense from time to time.  Sort of like when I have a killer migraine on my day off when I had plans to do something fun with the family but instead stay in bed while my children refresh my ice packs and give me hugs to “feel better”. At least the migraines only last a day or two. The back thing is like a wart on the wrong part of your foot that never goes away and reminds you of its presence with every step you take.  

I have realized that it only hurts when I sit, stand, bend over, walk, or lie down.  I don’t do much running so I can’t say if it hurts then.  Getting old is no fun, huh? I tell you all this to say that I know my dad would have been a good listening ear for me in the midst of all this, but he’s not quite available.  I do have many people praying for me and for my back to heal, which I appreciate tremendously. I have given it over to God and am okay if I need surgery or have to just adjust my life to this pain. If nothing less, it is a constant and not-so-subtle reminder of my own human frailty and desperate dependence on God.

House…. Please be in prayer for Lisa and me as we try to discern what to do regarding our housing situation.  Our lease is up in 2 months and we don’t have a real plan of action yet.  We are looking online at houses but not much more.  We’ve been through 2 packages of smelling salts from all the times we’ve both passed out when we find out the prices of homes in northern Virginia.  Ridiculous!!!!

But, if we are supposed to be here long-term, we’d rather buy and at least feel like we’re putting down roots.  We want to feel settled and this would go a long way to helping us feel that way, but the outrageous cost is giving us second thoughts.  We would prefer to stay near church but simply cannot afford to.  Please pray for God to make His will clear and lay a path before us that we can see and follow with confidence.

 

HAPPY EASTER EVERYONE!!!! He is Risen! He is Risen indeed.

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